No longer accepting applicationsStatus: Not selectedYour resume went into the abyss.
Your resume went into the abyss.
Your outfit doesn't have to.
Apparel for the 400 applications, 3 auto rejections and 1 recruiter who said “let's circle back” before disappearing forever. Printed on demand, because nobody else is demanding you.
Equal Disappointment Employer. All applicants considered, none contacted.
Application #00048213Senior Junior Associate (Entry Level)
IN REVIEW✓
Resume uploaded
Tailored. Proofread. Lovingly formatted.
✓
Parsed by ATS
Your name is now “Microsoft Word Document”.
!
Keyword match: 12%
You wrote “led”. We wanted “spearheaded”.
…
Human review
Pending since 2019
Response
Never
Processing99%
Estimated decision: Q3 2047NOW HIRING: NOBODY /RESUMES LOST THIS WEEK: ALL OF THEM /AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME: HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE /ENTRY LEVEL. 7 YEARS REQUIRED. /YOUR APPLICATION IS IMPORTANT TO US /PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL /
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Open Positions
No longer accepting applications
Promoted
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"On File" Mug
Compensation: $16.07
Actively hiring
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Be an early applicant
Easy Apply
Open To Work (Desperately) Hat
Compensation: $27.94
Urgently hiring (no)
Per My Last Application Mug
Compensation: $18.11
Impulse hire
Our hiring process
The only pipeline that actually ends in an offer.
ROUND 01
Submit your application
Add to cart and check out. No cover letter. No “why do you want to work here.” No personality test.
ROUND 02
We print it on demand
Each piece is made just for you after you order. Somebody finally put real effort into your application.
ROUND 03
It actually shows up
Tracked shipping straight to your door. Unlike your offer letter, this one arrives.